1- If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
2- Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
3- Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.
4- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
5- If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6- Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
7- Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
8- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
9- You have enough clothes.
10-You have too many shoes.
11- Crying is blackmail.
12- Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
13- No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries, birthdays and other events you want us to remember on the calendar. That increases the chance we'll remember by 50%.
14-Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
15-Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
16- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
17- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
18- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
19- You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.
20- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
21- Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
22- If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just